Our learning goals are to:-write a description, using powerful words and phrases-include some Te Reo Māori-carefully check that our sentences make sense and have correct punctuation and spelling.
Choose one of the above images to prompt a piece of descriptive writing
The Abandoned cottage
One day I was flying my helicopter but then a blast of lightning struck me.
I crash landed. BANG CRASH POP!!! I walked for 2 hours then I saw
something in the distance. I had another look carefully it looked like an
abandoned cottage.
I crash landed. BANG CRASH POP!!! I walked for 2 hours then I saw
something in the distance. I had another look carefully it looked like an
abandoned cottage.
I creeped closer to it and there was squashy moss growing all around the
stone cottage. I curiously opened the rusty door and poked my head inside.
All I smelt was the smell of wet concrete. There was an old fireplace in the
corner of the room that still had a blazing flame in it. I assumed that the cottage
hadn't been abandoned for long. As I walked around the room the floor was
growling at me and I was anxious that it was going to break.
stone cottage. I curiously opened the rusty door and poked my head inside.
All I smelt was the smell of wet concrete. There was an old fireplace in the
corner of the room that still had a blazing flame in it. I assumed that the cottage
hadn't been abandoned for long. As I walked around the room the floor was
growling at me and I was anxious that it was going to break.
It was still te ua/raining and my stomach was empty. I started walking again
but then I heard something in the bush and it sounded like it was getting
closer and closer. I turned around slowly and anxiously to see what the sound
was. It was a ginormous wolf!!! It’s teeth were sharper than A knife and it was
as white as a cloud. It started chasing me so I ran back into the cottage. The wolf was trying to get in the door and I knew it was going to break. The door was cracking and creaking and no-one knew I was out here….
but then I heard something in the bush and it sounded like it was getting
closer and closer. I turned around slowly and anxiously to see what the sound
was. It was a ginormous wolf!!! It’s teeth were sharper than A knife and it was
as white as a cloud. It started chasing me so I ran back into the cottage. The wolf was trying to get in the door and I knew it was going to break. The door was cracking and creaking and no-one knew I was out here….
ReplyDeleteHey Noah!! it’s me Zoe your buddy from Point England School. This is a good scary story about the Abandoned cottage. Wow you have some interesting words in your story. You have a good ending and wow you should do a part 2 about your writing. You did some hard work on that story. You should do a part 3,4 and 5 or more. Well done keep the hard work up.
Hi Noah
ReplyDeleteWow what an improvement you made since when I first read your work. Well done for taking on my feedback and making it an exciting, suspense filled story that is believable rather than a story that becomes too silly and people can’t really get involved in it.
You had good punctuation and paragraphing and you used lots of great descriptive language like, “ I creeped closer to it and there was squashy moss growing all around the stone cottage. I curiously opened the rusty door and poked my head inside. All I smelt was the smell of wet concrete.”
You should be very proud of this piece of work. Well done.